Health

8 Things To Remember When Everything Is Going Wrong. Stopping #3 Changed My Life.

Marc and Angel are two passionate writers of marcandangel.com, life-hackers, and the authors of 1000 Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently. Here’s their list of 8 things to remember when everything goes wrong.
If you enjoy this, be sure to check out their website for more inspirational advice and practical tips to improve your life.

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“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one. Up until now I have had no health problems. I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”

That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977. I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago. It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
#1. Pain is part of growing. Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

Samantha Sais /The New York Times / Redux Pictures

#2. Everything in life is temporary. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it. (Read The Last Lecture.)

Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times

#3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

nikiperry.com

#4. Your scars are symbols of your strength. Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

Christine Guinness

#5. Every little struggle is a step forward.
In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion. It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible. It gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path. And it’s worth it. So if you’re going to try, go all the way. There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Francois Xavier Maritt/AFP/Getty Images

#6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem. Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

Pierre Verdy/AFP/Getty Images

#7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE. True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. (Read A New Earth.)

#8. The best thing you can do is to keep going. Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Don’t stress over things you can’t change. Live simply. Love generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. And even if you fall short, keep going. Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:
Think positively. Eat healthy. Exercise today. Worry less. Work hard. Laugh often. Sleep well. Repeat…
“Everything is temporary, this too shall pass” is a phrase that always comes to my mind whenever things are not going well. All of these are excellent reminders. If you enjoyed this Marc and Angel’s tips, share them with your friends and family.
Source:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/08/8-things-to-remember-when-everything-goes-wrong/

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118 Comments

  1. Dear Admin, lives are tough, but trying to re-assure the masses that they are all alright is about as generic as your name. Millennials are scared, and you are not their hero. Let’s move past this and endorse real change, instead of feeding single entitled brats that can’t afford to make anything of themselves because they are stuck in a ‘self crisis’. Love, everyone.

    1. Did it ever occur to you that some people need to hear these things? That maybe there are people out there that just lost someone close to them and are trying to survive the hardest time of their life? It’s cynical people like you that made me lose faith in humanity over the last month. Just because you have a shit outlook on life doesn’t mean you need to bring other people down. Stop wasting your time on posts like this if you have nothing nice to say.

      1. I am one of those people who very much appreciated these eight thoughts. I needed to hear them and I cried listening to them. If you didn’t appreciate them, just scroll on. Don’t assume that you speak for everyone. Scroll on, scroll on.

      2. Yo Me! I think you are strikingly beautiful but your response is cynical, at best. I would love to debate your point over dinner. Call me

      1. you didnt get the article it at all . its not about toughening up . the last person that told me to toughen up butttercup I excused from my life permanantly. . saying that to some one who is depressed or mentally ill does more harm to them . its the same telling someone with cancer to get over it you will be fine …….

        1. Many believe that everyone should just toughen up. There is nothing wrong with that saying if you are tough and have those set of skills. However there are a few that have a completely different set of talents and skills. The awesome skill that you have been given is to be able to understand and empathize on such a deeper level that you can actually empathize to the point of feeling the pain of others around you. I would guess that you are astute in picking up on small non-verbal skills and subtle verbal and expressions of others. Hang in there! Your biggest strength can also be a weakness. You have the ability to grow and strengthen your gift! As soon as you can see yourself in a positive light and how much you have to offer…you will be amazed at how YOU have the ability to make a difference in others lives!! It still won’t always be easy, but you have a rare gift to share. Try to remember and focus on your talent …you’ll go far. Best of luck to you!!

    2. I often have to remember this will pass. Thank you so much for your comments and this article. I loved loved loved the article. Look at the good in all your day. My freind before he passed used to day a day above ground is good day isn’t that terrible but to him out was the world. Love you Brew

    3. Hey Reader… or should I say MORON!!! This is a positive article on life and you have to piss on it with your cynical outlook. Maybe you should start your own blog on how hard it is for you to succeed as a Millenial and all the other negative winers can join you and contribute to your bitch session. Get a life….

    4. I think it’s hilarious that the criticism of the generic name “admin” is coming from someone who called themselves “reader”.
      Sorry, but it sounds to me that you are one of those self-entitled, nouveau-opinioned,quasi-intellectual people who feel the need to tear down anything uplifting in favor of the “change the world” cant that is so popular among well intentioned, but mal-informed college students. There is only so much we can do to change the world, and 99% of that change starts with changing ourselves. When you can finally see that there is something more valuable in life than being vicariously miserable, then you have gained wisdom that takes some people a lifetime. I don’t think “Reader” is there yet.

      1. I agree. And I like this article. I think that the article speaks well to such criticism from the naysayers. It’s negativity. In fact that is the number that I needed to hear tonight. A realization I have had in recent years is that peace begins at home and inside ourselves. Allowing that inner peace to be broken down is with what I struggle. After losing a spouse 13 years ago, and while I had a baby, who never got to know her dad, I am now sucked into something I never imagined. My daughter is pushing my husband and the man who I met when she was 4 and has stood by her and me through thick and thin, and it’s painful to see her say I should not have married again, that her father is all I was supposed to know. I am supposed to wait until I see him in heaven, in her eyes. So, I can not be drawn into that negativity further. Yet, it’s a real struggle for her. I have given up so much to invest in her having a healthy childhood, because I wanted to be there for her. I still am. But, my husband is good. And I can not let her destroy our marriage. And, she was my reason to live after he died. So, we have waited over 5 years to take a honeymoon. So we are going on one finally and in hope one day she will be glad I remarried. I do love her so very much. I hope with all my heart as she comes to terms with her dad’s death she can allow my husband to be more than a step dad, but an “earth” dad. One in heaven and one on earth maybe. But, it’s not my struggle. I can support her, but I can not let her tear my husband down anymore. Hoping for love to truly conquer all! Love hopes all things! Love endures all things! Here’s to Love and Hope!

    5. Hi Reader! This article hurt no one and helped some. If you got nothing from reading it but annoyed, then stop reading and move on! Life is too short to go around getting pissed off over internet, self-help articles. There are far bigger things to direct that anger towards.

      1. If you read the comments above, some people are hurt by these statements. A person with depression can’t positively think their way out of depression.

    6. I read your comment and the responses that followed. The anger in yours, you feel is simply reality, but the HATE that followed tells me you just might be right. Peace to you all, and let each person honor their personal reality, for none are the same.

    7. I agree! Plus it’s cliche drivel that has been written a million times. And no, we never get over some losses. We just don’t.

    8. Lol, the people that do these things and ingrain them into their everyday lives move forward and become genuinely happy people. Those that don’t are like you! #6 all day

    9. No, sweet child, millennials aren’t scared. The people old enough to rely on the milleniuals are scared. While there are exceptions, and there are amazing exceptions, this group has a lot of expectations of others…give me a job, give me lots of money, make me happy, entertain me…and if you don’t I’ll just move on or I’ll make your life a holy hell… I see these young people who have no concept of conversation, no respect for others or themselves, their sense of entitlement, their lack of empathy, their ability to see death and not blink because they see it so graphically in movies and video games..thus is the future of my community, my country, my life. I am afraid.

  2. Thank you for sharing your positive advise. I ran away at 14 from alcoholic parents and abuse I am now 51 with 3 grown children and 2 grandchildren. I’ve been through more and seen more then most have in a lifetime
    everyday is a struggle but I’ve always try at the most part to keep positive I was married for 20 years to an alcoholic divorced now. I was told I was a mistake at 5 by my mom I never new my dad. Anyway I have been told I should write abook of my ups and downs in my life but all is well I keep optmistic. Thank you

    1. Donna, you should write that book—-if only for yourself. You’ve been through a lot—do not let those experiences define you. You have chosen to rise above the past and everything is, indeed, a choice.
      Good luck on your ever-life-strengthening journey. Blessed Be!

    2. Your comment mirrors the story of a gal I work with who wrote a book of her life it is called YOU CAN HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY LIFE by B. Jean Teeple . Write your book ….for your kids and grandkids. My dad died last year and he was in a senior writing class and I now have a couple of hundred stories about his life and ours as a family….what a gift ! Write your book!

    1. I am sorry but there is no words to say to that, I think this article lacks in taking in consideration all kind of different situations, such as this or situations such as abuse.

      1. Abuse is hard. Only u can say when, you had enough and when you get up girl fight! Fight hard to get away and don’t ever let yourself be in that place again! I’ve learned the hard way. My strength is was 20x’s his! I just didn’t know it at the time.;) prayers for your safe outing! Once a 73 yr old told me in a abuse shelter. I was 18 at the time. Never waste your pretty! At 73 she said the rest of her life she will not be abused, but she stayed so long she wasted all her pretty. We all age, we all lose our pretty! Don’t waste one day being mistreated! Life is so beautiful;) this is what she was saying to me:)

        1. Thanks Robin. I appreciate your comment very much. I wish that articles like this would acknowledge that is cases of abuse we not expect the victims to be Pollyanna!

          1. I don’t think it expects victims of abuse to be Polyana but being one myself you will come to a point where you will have to make a choice. Will you choose to look for the positives in life, the positives in yourself? Will you choose something different for yourself? When you decide you are worth it, strong enough, all of this article helps you look at how you are going to approach your new life. Will you define it from your past or will you chose to define it yourself in the best way you can?

      2. While the words do not directlybreak with that loss…. The advice is still wise.
        It will take time and you will never stop loving your child and the scar will Remain as well as the memories but life for you will continue and the pain will become easier to deal with and you must continue focus on the good left in your life. Find happiness even briefly in the small things! Prayers for your continued strength!

    2. Anne.. That is more crushing than words can say..
      Perhaps a tiny silver lining could be the 13 years that were had WITH this child? Some families are not able to have children.. or have lost theirs at an even younger age than 13. That being said, even a silver lining is hard to find when having experienced something so devastating. & I am so, soo sorry to hear of that loss..

    3. You will never find happiness in burying a child. Your loss is obvious, your indirect “gain” is something only you will recognize and can be spoken about by no other. Innocent tips for a happier life are not written to minimize your personal tragedy or erase your pain, it’s just someone reaching out, hoping to make a difference in at least one life. I hope someday soon that someone is you.

    4. I’m so sorry Anne. I have not lost a child but lost many others. I think the pain is in relation to the love, our love toward the one we lost. I also know the pain is about me and not the one who has passed. I choose to honor them the way they would want me to live. They would never want to bring me pain by passing. To let their death take away my joy or growth in life, somehow burdens them in death. I believe in the afterlife and I want them to see me remember them with smiles and to go on to make them proud of how I handle this. They know I love them. I don’t have to live in a cloud every day to prove that. When I fall into temptation to wallow in my loss, I imagine them watching and wonder what they would say and it forces me to dwell on the wonderful memories and remember that I will see them again. I pray that you too will be able to come to terms with your loss while holding tight to their precious memories.

    5. You try to find balance again after a death of a child. To find purpose in living. My younger brother died at age 19 (hit by a drunk-driven car as a pedestrian), so I know some about it. It’s the hardest pain and the darkest hell. I’m not sure how to find the light again. But would your child want you to remain in the darkness? Would they want to be the source of your never laughing, never finding joy again. They love you and want you to find your way out of the darkness.

    6. Be angry and cry. Let yourself be how you feel. For now. You will never stop hurting entirely
      But
      If you try, your heart will try to heal. It will have a huge scar where your baby was ripped from you but it will try to heal a tiny bit so that it isn’t quite as raw with pain.
      Please keep reading this page over and over – slowly. Do it when you aren’t so angry. One day you will see something you can’t help but smile at. It might surprise you at first and cause you to feel guilty but it will happen again. This is how your heart will begin to heal.
      You never wanted to see your child hurting or sad did you? Your child never wanted to see these things in you either. Your baby would have done anything to see a smile on your face either!!
      Hugs

    7. That she will have to move forward. No amount of time will ever erase the agony of losing a child. Never ever. But there are still reasons to live, things to look forward to, and others to guide and help. Point 8 is the only one that really hits home out of everything in the list. When we lose someone, we never stop missing them. We never forget that a life was cut short. But we also need to remember that we’re the ones still alive. That being said, we need to keep moving forward.

    8. Anne,
      No doubt after such tragedy, the happiness you formerly enjoyed would be elusive. After such trauma and loss in our lives, it is a sense of peace and comfort that we seek that ultimately brings us a sliver of contentment. No, it’s certainly not the happiness we knew before, but in a small way, that peace gives us the assurance that the sting of our loss will give way to the promise of better things to come. If you are a believer, your reliance on God is paramount. Sure you may be angry with Him. It is very important to remember this loss is not a punishment. It is simply a painful fact in our fallen and frail lives. Remember, everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way. Know that time does have a way of softening the edges of such a sharp loss—not erasing it—but easing it. My heart aches for you, or whomever it is you are relating to. I pray, in time you feel our heavenly Father’s love and warm embrace—His assurance of eternal joy and peace. Blessings my friend . . .

    9. I cannot attempt that. I can just encourage you to just keep on growing new memories over the loss, the grief and the pain. You cannot replace anything with regards to your son or all your feelings related to him. You can just redirect those feelings despite the hardship of doing so. Can I encourage you to plant a tree, start a project that is related to his interests or get together with others who love him on a regular basis just to talk about him in honor of his memory. Laugh at his favorite movies and sing his favorite songs. Name something you have with his name. I hope this helps.

    10. Ann,
      I identify with your pain. When my son was killed in a car accident at 22, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. So deep was the pain and so meaningless and yet now I can say I am happy. The hurt is still there but in no way overwhelming. I was determined to work my way out of the pit because that’s no place to live. Life is too short to live in negativity and despair….don’t settle for less.

    11. I buried my 16 year old son and I can say that, after a while, there is happiness. I dwell on all the amazing things we shared while he was here. I understand that I am not the first or only mother who has buried a young child and that I will not be the last. Many mothers have their children for far less time than I did and I grieve for loss as well. Dwelling on the pain, as I did for years, did not help me; it made me worse. Choosing to dwell on the wonderful young man he became and all the people’s lives he touched does help me.
      The best definition of grief I have found is this, “The forced redefinition of self.” Once I was able to accept that this is now my life and nothing I can do will change that I started to heal. It is not fair, nothing in life is. But it is what IS. I can choose to fight it or I can choose to accept it and fold it into who I am NOW.
      Every time I share about my son, I am keeping his memory alive. Every time someone shares their memories with me, my understanding of him grows as well.
      And the largest comfort, for me as a woman of deep faith, is that I will see him again in a better place where there is no pain or tears anymore and that we will be praising our Lord forever in paradise.
      I hope you find peace.

    12. We don’t “find” happiness. It finds us after the hurting and the healing are over. Just when we think that we will never smile again, happiness seeps in. Just wait. I’m so sorry for the loss of a child.

    13. I couldn’t possibly know what to say about how to find happibess after losing a 13 yr old son…not having any children… BUT the only way to peace and happiness is through Christ!

    14. So, so sorry for your loss first of all. What I would say to that mother is to find happiness in the 13 precious years you got to spend with him. And then you breathe. And then you breathe. And then you find happiness in knowing he is safe in a place where he will be eternally happy, and is with you in a way he never could have been before – loving you so strongly in a way he never could before. And then you find happiness in knowing that he very much hopes you will be happy doing whatever excites you the most, in each new moment of each new day, of each new week, of each new year. And then you find happiness in the simple fact that you made it through – that you are stronger with each new moment. You are richer for each new project, with each new acquaintance or friend, with each new opportunity you might have in comforting one whose destiny is to have to endure the loss of a child. No one can provide that comfort like you can. Trust your precious child is close to you, is available to you, whenever you open your heart to receiving his messages, particularly in your dreams. Keep a journal close by to write down any fragment of a memory – – no matter how strange or nonsensical it may seem. He’ll know you are paying attention and he WILL get through to you in some way. He lives on in the same place of Spirit from which we all came, and to which we all will return. You are so fortunate to have had the opportunity to be his mama. And I am certain he loves you still, loves you stronger, loves you bigger, loves you eternally. When you are finished with your life purpose, you will be with him again. What a joyous reunion! Until then, rejoice in the truth that he is safe and well and watches over you. He prefers you live your life out happily. Give it a shot, for him, for you, for all you might cross along the pathways. Blessings to you in all the ways you can imagine, and in all the ways you never even dreamed possible. You deserve them. With love. Peggy

    15. I lost my dad when I was 12, he died in his sleep and I was the one that found him and had to call 911 and wait for the police and ambulance to arrive, alone with my dead father, he was only 42…Losing a parent like that was not a happy moment. It was 20 years later that I finally broke down about the whole incident, crying in the arms of a good friend that listened to my story and feelings, making it easier to share with others what I learned.
      I learned early on in Life that Death happens to everyone and it does not care about age, race, religion, wealth, what you did with your life, how you treated people, how you were treated, etc. etc. It will happen and it does not care what you think about It. This may sound harsh but this not at all meant to be…For some reason we like the idea of living forever, that is an ideal dream world that will likely never happen. Reality is, we all die eventually, life is very short whether it lasts a couple minutes or 120 years, it is short, and the honest truth is no matter your belief, we don’t know what happens on the other side, we can only assume or wish or hope that we continue on somewhere.
      Whether we continue on or not, someone that truly loves us, if they pass on, I don’t believe would want us sulking and being bitter about life…while I held in the story of what happened when my dad died for 20 years, I still lived. When I did something that I knew he loved to do, like sailing, I did it with him in mind and that made me all the happier…granted he couldn’t be with me in the physical sense, and it wasn’t the same, it still made me smile knowing that if he were there that he knew I wasn’t miserable and I continue to live life to the fullest, taking advantage of every precious moment.
      I can think of dozens of people that lost someone close to them. They mourn and discover life keeps going. It’s painful but the pain goes away with time, just like what is mentioned in the article. It is about your attitude. I have a friend that wakes up to literal darkness everyday because of an explosion that blew out his eyes and killed his friend. He still manages to find light everyday, and living for his friend that died. That is human resilience right there. Our life is a blind endeavor, never knowing what the future holds.
      To a mother that buried a 13 year old son, I would say, never forget his face, it can dull over time, but always try to remember his face, especially the expressions he made when he was happy… And as others have mentioned, I don’t think he would want to see you sad and to stop living life. Find something he enjoyed doing and “do it with him”. Find that light…even if you may not see it at times, it is always there…
      Hope this helps someone out there…

    16. Slowly. It’s a marathon not a sprint. But I promise you slowly gradually happiness slips in through the cracks in your pain. I lost my son nearly 20 years ago now and i have found my happy again. Does it mean I don’t still miss my son? No. I miss him all the time. But I honor his life with my laughter now instead of my tears. Most of the time anyway.

    17. As a mother of a 12 year old…I couldn’t imagine the pain you must feel. Also having that 12 year old I know without a doubt she doesn’t like for me to be sad, or see me in pain. That in itself would renind me that she wouldn’t want me to be sad and in pain. I’m sure your baby would want happiness for you and not want to see mommy in pain and sad. By no means am I saying to not feel your pain and have sadness because God knows you can’t make that go away unless you’re heartless. I’m just saying try to keep in mind, that your baby wants happiness for you. Praying for you! ❤️

    18. My son passed over also.I don’t say away because I believe he is still here with me. I also believe I will see him again. I have more children and they deserve the best of me not a shadow of me.We are given a life to enjoy, it can be bitter sweet at times but as for me I much prefer laughter to tears and God loves a merry heart.May
      God bless you and your family and his friends, they miss him too.

    19. Anne, I do hope you find the replies of love and concern for your post soothing and comforting. People whom you have never met are reaching out in tears and triumph. I pray you find some solace in there genuine sentiments. To all of you who have shared your thoughts with Anne may God richly bless you for your love and compassion. Many times, the true measure of an individual is found in the way they respond to hurt and tragedy to themselves, and especially to others. I am assured that goodness and love prevail in a hard and broken world.

    20. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache at the loss of a child…but allow me to share a story, a true story. In my mid-thirties I was a very lost soul. I was dragged into a christian crusade but was totally cold and cynical towards the preacher and the message thinking he was too together and too sheltered from pain. Then he shared about the loss of his teen son and I figured that if he could continue to live life with purpose he must know something I didn’t know because I could not imagine losing one of my sons. I began to hear the message and within days my open heart was able to receive Christ and my life was changed, redeemed for eternity.
      The preacher was Leighton Ford and his son’s name was Sandy. My name is Sandi…and Sandy’s death opened my heart to Christ. In spite of the excruciating pain of loss, God can and will use
      anything that we give to him. And He can and will heal the deepest hurts.

    21. Dear Anne, I am sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost a son at age 13 after losing my wife several years before his passing. Let me assure you happiness can be found. I have remarried and have found fulfillment in the many wonderful events and people who make up this most precarious life I’ve been forced to reconcile. Happiness begins with an attitude and respect for the many opportunities of fulfillment in the journey of life. May you find your path in the journey ahead.

    22. I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss and your unimaginable pain. A dear friend of mine just lost his beautiful 14 year old son. He is a model father who made his boys the center of his universe. As hard as he tried to help his son in his battle, this sensitive young man succumbed to his illness. Since his son’s passing, we have had several very personal talks. I saw a very, very private family share very personal information in an effort to help others. He has realized that as difficult as this is, he must be there for his other boys and his grandchildren. He also feels more committed than ever before to help other families with what he has learned through this excruciating pain. He is still in shock. He is not happy. By knowing that he has to help his other sons, his grandchildren and the other people he works with, he is able to keep moving forward. By just moving forward, he is getting through this nightmare and his sense of purpose seems to give him strength he didn’t know he had. I wish that you can find peace and strength to bear this tremendous loss.

    23. Be thankful for the 13 years you had with him. Be thankful he is not suffering. Allow yourself to grieve. Reach out to others who have been through similar pain and found peace or even joy in the present. Some day your experience will give you what is needed to help someone else.

    24. I never do this, but your post caught my eye as I was scrolling.
      I don’t know anything about your life or your story, but let me start by saying I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
      My advice to you is just breath.
      After a loss like this somedays that may be all you can accomplish and that is okay. Some days will be better than others. I hope you will find many ways to rejoice the life that you have….remember good things about your son, smile and laugh.

      1. This was incredibly rude to write….learn English! Where are your ancestors from? You obviously have not traveled far outside the USA to appreciate and learn one’s culture and language. Why are some people so judgemental? Why hold back something only in English if it can help even just one person who is struggling in life. I found this article quite helpful. My suggestion would be to re-read this article and take notes. You seem to be in a dark place… Perhaps anger or sadness and then projecting your feelings onto others. Maybe it took your rude comment for someone to tell you in a nice way….please evaluate your life and are you happy? It’s ok to be angry with me. I’m only here to try to help. This article is helping me be more mindful and also love myself first. You get give or love others if you don’t love yourself first. This is not selfish. I use to think this…not anymore.
        I could write what had occurred in my life the last two years, you wouldn’t believe it. However, everyday is a gift. I personally believe that things happen for a reason in life. Do I like it? Heck, NO! It makes me a stronger and more mindful and hopefully a better person.

      2. First of all, Jorge never said he couldn’t speak or read English, perhaps he needs it for someone who does not. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. English is not a worldwide language or easy to learn. I don’t understand how someone can still have this attitude in this day and age. You come off as rude, arrogant, and ignorant. Perhaps you need to worry less about Jorge and focus more on becoming a compassionate, accepting, and polite human being.

  3. These are awesome words. I’m currently doing trauma work with peers preparing them to work with other peers. This list is so right on for us to remember and continue our growth and work.
    Thank you for sharing.

  4. I loved this article. I do most of this stuff on a daily basis. Thanks for reminding me of what is really important in life as it is sometimes hard to focus on the good in life. Kathleen

  5. Some of these I have said many times to myself, while a few of the others are soooo difficult for me. But I do keep moving on because we have no choice in the matter. If you don’t move on you are dead. That’s it.

  6. “WOW”, It sure makes a lot of sense and includes our reliance
    on “GOD”. You can be sure that this will mean a lot to most
    people who have the faith and believe in the “Almighty”.
    Thanks,
    Al Lawing

    1. I would agree. These words reflect what is written in the Bible. Just add that there is a God who grieves when you grieve and loves you more than anything. Its hard to see that when life is going downhill. He never promised life would be easy but He did promise He will carry you through it and one day you will get through it.

  7. Beautiful and inspiring…….I would also add with GOD all tings are possible. Thank you for sharing such inspirational words.

  8. These things are good but they don’t apply to every circumstance. In the event of abuse, these are not only non-applicable but it only makes the person going through abuse feel like somehow is their fault for not enduring, for “complaining”, for being “negative”, for not seeing the “struggle” as a step forward, for not seeing the “scars” as a symbol of strength, for not thinking that this is “temporary”, and for not seeing the “pain” as part of growing. It would be great to see something about those circumstances. It would be great to acknowledge the real pain and suffering of abuse and not try to sugarcoat it.

    1. I am an abuse survivor and a counselor and have to say while there is certainly a time to grieve, acknowledge and work through abuse we can not stay there forever we must move past it and thrive. I believe this article gives excellent advice and tips regardless of your story the hour of the eventually you will get to a place to can live you life and apply these principles daily in order to live a full, redeemed and joyful life. I hope that certainly for myself and every client I see regardless of their circumstance and past.

    2. Ela, you seem very passionate and hurt… This is an article, not a substitute for the therapy one clearly needs after trauma or abuse.
      However, I have been there… on now being on the other side…these words ARE motivating. Even in situations of abuse, you need to remain as positive as possible. No one is taking the grieving process from you at all. It’s easy to be hurt and lash out at whatever appears before you. This article is not going to hurt anyone. It is an inanimate object and does not have the power to do so. How you choose to hear it may alter it… I hope that you find peace.
      Light and love to you

  9. Actually this article could be very dangerous to those afflicted by abuse because it doesn’t provide them with a way out, it only invites them to endure the abuse and lolls them into thinking that things would get better.

    1. This article is an inspirational quote to add to daily thinking.. not a solution to any problem. Or a step by step way to improve life and all the misery it may be causing. It’s uplifting showing that there is and Can be light at the end of the tunnel if you do put that foot forward. Fight for the life you want, make changes, get help, and know if you make efforts the misery IS Only temporary.

    2. This is awesome!! Just a simple reminder to smile and be positive no matter what!! Stop finding the negative within everything you read people, and enjoy the simple ness of this sweet article.

  10. Looks like you a few years ago at our house, 🙂 You know what I am talking about, can’t put it on here 🙂
    enjoy these years we have left old friend. XOXOXOXO

  11. I think this is well written but I do feel many times articles like this are written by people who have everything going for them. Having dealt with chronic back/sciatica pain all my life and having gone through back surgeries and being in extreme pain sometimes unbearable where nothing and I do mean nothing (including having taken 8 – 10 Percs at one time including 24mg of Hydromorph Contin just to try and get some relief) its hard to be happy and smile like nothing is wrong. I do understand that complaining does not help at all but sometimes people have no control over happiness when in extreme pain.

  12. Nothing. Not even death is forever. The Bible makes that promise from the beginning until the end. If you aren’t aware of that then look for another religion that explains this How to Manual for a successful life for humans to you in clear language. Don’t give up. God is not capable of lying.

  13. Awesome tips for life and living! The only problem I have is that God, our creater, and Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, were completely left out of the equation. Without Him, all of the positive things mentioned, are not possible, regardless of what one thinks or believes. He is the way, the truth and the light! I make this comment based on experiences, not on what is written or read. Our nation, which was created on strong religious beliefs, is going down the tubes because of our collective denial of God and Jesus Christ. God Bless!!

  14. Awesome article and one that reminds me of the only New Years resolution I made….to make a daily “gratitude list”…a written list or a mental one. (prefer written so that I can look back on it throughout the day if needed!) I’m sorry but I missed the part where this list of “8 Things…” was directed at abuse victims (been there) and meant to be “words they should live by”??? I believe this is meant to be a generalization of living your life by the premise that “your cup is half-full instead of half-empty”. There will always be “extenuating circumstances” in life. And, as with anything you encounter on this “journey”…take what you want and leave the rest!

  15. I think the actual point here is take what you can from the article and if it doesn’t apply to you then you take nothing.
    I can’t imagine the author thought or intended this to be a one size fits all.

  16. Tears rolled down my face as I read this! I have been through so much my adult life and so many of these things I could relate to. Being in a marriage where I was never enough, but too scared to be on my own. Became a single parent anyway and did not think I could do it! I went through college as an adult, illnesses, self esteem issues, loneliness, anxiety and depression!!! My life is NOT where I thought it would be at 47, but I know I am blessed and luckier than a lot of others. Thanks so much for writing these words…..

  17. As far as abuse goes, just remember what Jesus said on the cross after he was tortured unmercifully on his way to be nailed to the cross. And while he was on it. He said, ” Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” We know nothing about abuse compared to what happened to him. This is the message for all who have been wronged in their own minds. Let it go…and repeat these words until the anger and poor me mentality disappear. If you think you have it bad, quit complaining and know that there are many people out there who have it worse than you. He endured unbelievable suffering because while going through the dark tunnel of torture, he knew there would be light at the end of it. That’s how you survive suffering and stay positive during it. I am not religious but spiritual,and have gone through what some people call incredible hardships, but even as a child I was grateful to my punishers. They taught me how to see life in a reverse light. I thank them for what they did. Because now I can overcome the worst moments in my place of seeing that nothing can hurt me knowing that everything is always exactly as it should be in our evolution. 🙂 Namaste

  18. Thank you.. This will help keep my sanity and my mind focused. Everything happens for a reason, yet it may not have anything to do with any of us. Everyone faces challenges at some point. Some more than others. Keep your heart pure, truth at the fore-front. Do not give in to fear and abuse; trust in the Lord at all times.

  19. Awesome words of encouragement, would love to learn more about your program, do you have a audiobook available? And would like to get on your e-mail list, I’m disabled and Struggling with PTSD( post traumatic stress disorder) I have felt lost in the darkness for sometime now, but your words have given me Hope that I to could find HAPPINESS and strength as a step forward in life. Thank you

  20. Please email me your website.These quotes really made my day loved it.Looking forward to your website.Thanks God Bless.

    1. Thanks for you asking. I have added your site and Source on the articles by following your instruction. if you have any query regarding your articles then please let us know. We will appreciate it.

  21. I don’t ever post comments but I felt compelled to say that this is something I need to read and remind myself everyday. This is truly inspiring.

  22. In life people lose things, irreplaceble things, things they will long for, for the rest of their lives. Those who have lost one or two bfs or gfs they were fond of and perhaps one good job in their entire life should be better off and more positive than others who have lost a husband, a wife, a daughter and their health too. Human beings are in essence conscious and logical. Those who are in agony and are somewhat negative probably have good reason for it. Nature is not fair in its dealings. It never was and has no reason to be. It may choose to give a little to some and a lot to others. It may choose to take away a lot from some and a little from others.

  23. I agree! #3 is habit forming, which makes it extremely difficult. Worrying & complaining about those worries gnaws at the back of your mind perpetually; every second of every day
    ‘it’ is hanging around somewhere.
    Guarding one’s consciousness / mood from this albatross is tedious & wearing ‘work’. It is, also, WELL Worth the effort!

  24. Inspiring yes! It’s certainly what one hopes to achieve in life. But I actually get the caution comments too. Having PTSD means you can’t just forget the past and move on into a brighter tomorrow. Your traumatized mind actually won’t let you. Could you imagine what it feels like to have PTSD and everyone always advises to let go of the past? Imagine that’s pretty frustrating. Who knows, running for the past has never been the answer either, for any of us.

  25. Well, I’ve read most of the comments, I agree with the person who commented on the hateraid. A Native American once said, “unless you have walked in a person’s moccasins, you cannot judge another person’s life; just because you don’t agree with their behavior.” My son sent these eight messages to me and for that I am grateful. One never knows from where their help comes. God (swt) sends help to whom He Wills however He Wills. I appreciate these words of which I have read. Been working on a couple of books since 1984 but my PTSD has kept me from completing it; as in publishing it. I have gathered strength from these 8 messages, and comments; God (swt) Willing I shall move forward with the books and my life.

  26. My daughter found this for me. I’m going through a messy divorce in which I thought was going great. Four days before Christmas my soon to be ex husband told me he didn’t love me, despised me, and wanted nothing to do with me. That was after the 8th of December when he grabbed me by the hair and screamed at me. I immediately called my daughter to come get me. She found this at just the right time. I was feeling undesirable and just plain unwanted. Reading these have helped me realize that it’s not me who was wrong. Hopefully I explained this well enough. I’ve made the decision to move back to my hometown. Good luck to everyone! May your life find love and peace.

  27. A bunch of stolen content (you can see the writer in the comments asking for credit) — a mega cliche mash-up for soft-headed people. I’m sure you didn’t seek permission to use those photos either.
    Shameful to profit on other people’s work illegally — is it that the positivity drivel is suppose to make it better?

  28. Thank you so much for this article. What it says is true. I have been through so much in the last few years. I lost my brother-in-law & husband within 6 months. Since then, I have lost my home, & my car. My youngest child has developed several medical issues which has led to problems at school. Bit through it all, I have relied on God to strengthen me. He hss given me a peace & strength that I never knew was possible. This article reaffirms alot of what I have thought & felt lately. I tell my kids that there is always someone worse off than we are. I choose to focus on the good to help me make it through the bad times. This really does work.

  29. This article is just an article…….. Some will embrace it some will find fault with it we don’t have to all agree. We spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to convince others that we are right and they should agree with our point of view. Why isn’t it enough to take your own stand and move on.

  30. Hey guys, lets say thank you to “Reader” who tried to put a “spoon of diesel” into barrel of honey (sorry, it’s a badly translated GOOD Russian expression, – mainly means – tried to spoil all good things and value of this article). It just helped to all the rest to really think and appreciate the meaning of it.
    Enjoy your life, your loved one, friends and the next to you shoulder. regardless whoever it is – a kid or a grandma. and even if it’s a stolen “oldy goldy” – thanks for a reminder of how fragile this life is.

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